Third Graders Learn About Expected and Unexpected Behaviors

In our class councils, third graders have been learning about how their behaviors affect how others think and feel about them. Expected behaviors make people have good thoughts and good feelings about us. When we have expected behaviors, others think things like "I like being around this kid," or "She/he is a good worker." They might feel happy, relaxed, or proud about us. Unexpected behaviors make people have uncomfortable thoughts and uncomfortable feelings about us. When we have unexpected behaviors, others think things like, "That kid is unfriendly," or "He/she is making it hard for me to concentrate on my work." They might feel upset, frustrated, or angry with us.

The third graders have done a lot of thinking about expected and unexpected behaviors. They noticed that different settings call for different expected behaviors. Calling out is an expected behavior at recess, but unexpected in the classroom. Sitting at your desk is expected when you are doing your work, but unexpected when your teacher has given the direction to line up. They also noticed that expected behaviors change as we get older. Crying is an expected behavior for a hungry baby, but not for a hungry first grader or teacher. Asking for food is an expected behavior for a hungry first grader, but not for a hungry baby or teacher. Waiting to eat until a work break is an expected behavior for a hungry teacher, but not for a hungry baby or first grader. A teacher crying about being hungry would definitely make third graders have uncomfortable thoughts and feelings!

Here are a few examples of expected and unexpected behaviors for third graders that the kids identified. Can you guess why expected behaviors are written in green and unexpected behaviors are written in red?

Expected Behaviors
playing safely
raising your hand in the classroom
listening to directions
focusing on your work
handling disappointments quietly
using kind words
looking at the person you're talking to

Unexpected Behaviors
getting into others' personal space
pushing in line
distracting others
interrupting the teacher
side conversations
playing with objects in your desk
bullying